


Wherever You Go

by mrs_meloncholy



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-25 10:05:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4956106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs_meloncholy/pseuds/mrs_meloncholy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, pining works out for the best</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wherever You Go

**Author's Note:**

> Angsty-reuinion type fic that I wrote over a very long period of time, embarrassingly enough considering how short it is. It is in the COS verse but I made some changes, as I usually do. Hope you like it!

****

****

Roy could remember the two conversations clearly, and as they played out in his mind for what seemed like the millionth time, he felt a wave of regret,-and slight embarrassment wash over him. If he wasn’t a bit tipsy, and so goddamn tired, he wouldn’t be thinking about any of this at all. But now, the otherwise suppressed thoughts floated into his mind; opening doors, and letting in all the emotions he strived to keep under lock and key.

He could remember Maes’ eyes glinting with amusement, and the sly smile on his face;

_“Roy, you can’t possibly be trying to tell me you don’t want to be with him.” Maes had said, voicing his approval,-which wasn’t what Roy had hoped for._

_Roy looked away, and shook his head, “It’s more complicated than that, Maes. He’s half my age, and not to mention my subordinate.” He argued, leaning back against the wall. He could feel the room pitch and steadied himself with his hands on his knees._

_Maes smiled and gave Roy a disbelieving look, “It’s complicated because you’re making it complicated. Besides, he’s only ten years younger than you, not half your age.”_

_Roy glared, “What’s the difference? That ten years is over half of his life!” He exclaimed, and Maes nodded thoughtfully._

_“It is, isn’t it?” He asked rhetorically, and leaned towards his friend, an eyebrow raised, “Tell me, do you see a 16 year old when you look at him? Please, do tell what you see in his expression when he looks at the world, and try for a second to imagine what life must look like to him, Roy.” Maes said, crossing his arms, “He’s not a naive kid, like you’re trying to convince yourself he is. Now, he’s no doubt young, and still a teenager, but **god** , Roy, give him some credit will you? It’s not like you’re preying on him,-he’s not one of your swooning girls.”_

_Roy was silent, turning the words over in his mind and staring at the ground before heaving a sigh and running his fingers through his hair, “I’m in love with a 16 year old, Maes. You’re supposed to yell at me, and tell me to knock it off. You’re supposed to be the logic here, and nothing about this is logical at all.” He said with a humourless laugh._

_Maes smiled, “Just listen to me will you? Because Ed won’t wait forever.”_

And Ed certainly didn’t wait forever. In fact, he didn’t wait at all. Instead, he disappeared, leaving his disoriented, amnesiac little brother in his place, never to be seen again, and Roy sunk himself into a pit way up North. There was whiskey, and cold nights, and two years of waiting. Cold, hard depression hit him that time, and it was easy to tell that his team, or at the time his old team, knew everything that was happening to him. Even though Roy himself had no idea what he was feeling. He was utterly and truly hopeless.

Then one day, along came Ed, brilliantly 18 and chased by an army from another dimension. Between the two, Roy didn’t know which made him more breathless. Edward was here, and tangible, and alive, and for the first time in two years; Roy felt so too.

That was the second conversation he remembered;

_“Fullmetal, wait! Where are you going?!” He asked desperately, damning the way his emotions flooded his voice._

_The wind around them whipped blonde hair as Ed turned with a sad smile, “Someone has to go back and destroy the gate on the other side.” He said, and Roy nearly doubled over as though he was punched in the stomach._

_“Y-You can’t just leave again, you have people here who care about you, Fullmetal. What about your brother, what about Alphonse?” Roy argued, and Ed’s smile grew._

_“He belongs here, with his alchemy, and with Winry.” He said, and looked behind him at the airship, “As for the others, tell them I’m sorry, but I can’t let them keep that gate open. Otherwise more and more will come through.”_

_“And what about **me**?!” Ed’s eyes widened in surprise as his head snapped back around, and Roy looked away, “You can’t just leave again, Edward, you can’t go...”_

_Ed gasped, stunned silent for a second, “Colonel-, Roy, I-”_

_“Brother!”_

_Both of them looked over to see Al running up the path that Ed lead up to the airship with his flawless alchemy, “Al, what’re you doing?”_

_“I’m coming with you, Edward.” Alphonse said, hands fisting at his sides as he nearly glared at his older brother._

_Ed shook his head with a sigh, “Al, there’s no alchemy there-”_

_“I don’t care! You can’t just leave me behind again.”_

_“Who’ll close the gate here? You can’t go with me, and leave it open.” Ed asked, and Roy tried hard not to grind his teeth._

_“I will.” He said, and the two brothers looked at him in surprise, “You two better hurry, I’ll take care of everything here, just make sure that thing’s gone on the other side.”_

_Alphonse grinned, and Ed beamed, and Roy felt the burn of regret fill him,-the realization that he was letting him go again beginning to set in, “We won’t be long, Colonel.”_

That was the last thing Ed had said to him, three _years_ ago. It seemed time hated Roy, as every day tended to drag on and on in a slow rusting monotony. It only took a month for Roy to begin wishing each and every night for Edward to magically come back, and the sick twist of sadness and disappointment when he hadn't, left him nauseous. After a year, Roy dove into work to fill his mind, momentarily distracted by his promotion, and a seemingly endless list of other new bureaucratic duties. But still, every night alone in his big empty house ate away at him little by little. There were such lovely dreams he had, some so vivid and gorgeous, that had him falling in love all over again, but morning always came, and Ed never did.

Hughes told Roy, incessantly insisted really, that Edward always kept his promises, and while Roy knew this, he also knew that somethings were just impossible, even for the Elrics. Time slipped past faster after the second year, days and months filled with anything he could scrape up and pour all his energy into. Now, preoccupied with his latest promotion to Major General, Roy let himself be carried away with events and miniscule errands of everyday life. If his mind sat still long enough, he ended the night drunk and hungover the next day. If immersed enough in work and the responsibilities of life as usual, he found himself able to go a full day without being reminded of him.

There were nights though, like tonight for example, that he laid awake and stared at the ceiling with his drunken and blurry vision,-that certainly had absolutely nothing to do with the burn of tears in his eyes. He wondered if this feeling would ever go away; the gnawing, itching, _aching_ helplessness that smoldered beneath his ribs. Every flash of a familiar smile in the street, or wisp of blonde in the corner of his eye only served to fan the flames. Would the hopeful skitter of his heart at every glance of a red coat ever stop? Would he ever be able to go a day without working himself half to death just to fall asleep that night?

Sometimes Roy thought maybe he’d finally gotten over it.

And then he was reminded just how long it had been. Years. It had been years, _again_ , since he so much as saw Edward. It was a miracle he wasn’t a raging alcoholic, though he found himself edging closer each day. He always had Hawkeye to scold him for coming to work hungover, and had Hughes to pull the bottle away from his lips when he knew he had too much.

With a sigh, Roy rolled over, grinding his teeth as his eyebrows drew together and he glared into the darkness. There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t curse himself for staying here, worlds away from Ed. _If he had just gone with **him** …_ It was a bittersweet thought, really. There was no way he could leave, he had too many responsibilities and obligations here. He was going to be Fuhrer, and change the country. He certainly couldn’t do that if he ran off to another dimension. Let alone ditching everyone here. Maybe the Elrics could do it, but he couldn’t. He still had sins to atone, though atonement was impossible really. All he had left was the will to do everything in his power to prevent what he did, from ever happening again.

Roy’s head felt light, but he knew he wasn’t really drunk anymore. It had to be three o’clock in the morning by now, and he’d stopped drinking at nine in the evening. It was slowly easing out of his system, and now as it bled out, he was beginning to think clearer, and was able to control his thoughts better. He needed to sleep, he really was dead tired, hardly able to hold his eyes open,-but his dreams, as pleasant as they might seem, always ended, and he hated the disappointment when he woke up without Edward in his arms.

It was quite pathetic, really. Roy felt so ridiculous thinking things like this. He knew he should’ve gotten over all this long ago, even before Ed had left, if he was being logical. He never should’ve let any of his feelings grow into such a consuming, unignorable warmth that seemed to forever clutch his shattered heart, clawing and antagonizing him. For having five years to let this hopeless pining go, Roy seemed to have taken one step forward, and ten steps back.

His eyes fell shut against the darkness in his bedroom, exhaustion too much to fight off anymore, but just as his thoughts mushed into an incoherent jumble of sleepiness, the shrill ring of his phone broke out from downstairs. Dark eyes opening, Roy sat up and rubbed his bleary eyes, sliding out of bed in a hasty stumble. The relentless ringing cut through the air as Roy stepped down the stairs, wincing against the noise as his feet carried him to the phone, picking it up, unsurprised that his voice was more of a growl.

“Hello?” He asked, clearing his throat and listening to the strange shuffling noises on the other end.

“Yo, bastard, I,-uh,-I need your help. Me ‘n Al got here, and kinda-”

There was a few banging noises that sounded vaguely like wood being knocked together, though Roy really couldn’t hear anything over the pounding of his heart.

“-crash landed into some barn out in fuck-knows-where. So if you could come get us, that’d be pretty cool.” Edward finished, and Roy opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out, his mind only producing a humming mantra of, _he’s back, he’s really back, oh my **god**_ , “You still there, Mustang?”

Brain finally catching up with the situation, Roy replied, “Yes, Fullmetal, I just have a rather hard time comprehending how you crash landed into a barn.” He said, and while that certainly didn’t come from his mental folder of ‘things to say to Ed when he comes back’; it was a start.

Edward barked a laugh, and even through the crackle of the telephone line, it made Roy shut his eyes in appreciation, “Yeah, well, it was kinda hard to miss. For some reason the crazy old farmer who lived here had a phone hooked up in here. Are you gonna come get us or what?”

“Where are you, exactly?”

“Uh… I can see Central. I think we’re South… The farmer guy said the closest road is Warring.” There was a muffled shout that Roy assumed was Alphonse, and Ed corrected himself, “Wait, it’s Warner. D’you know where that is?”

“I have a faint idea,” Roy said with a sigh, forcing the smile off of his lips, “Are both of you alright? Should I bring bandages?”

“Nah, we’re fine,-no Al, just-, wait, but-”

There was rustling and a muffled argument before Alphonse was on the line, “Colonel?”

“Major General, now actually.”

Roy could hear the smile in Alphonse’ voice, “Ah, my apologies General. That’s quite a jump in the ranks, congratulations.” He said, as polite as ever, and Roy allowed himself a small smile.

“Thank you.”

“Well, it appears my brother is as stupid and stubborn as he has always been. Would you bring bandages, antiseptic, and low dose painkillers? I’ll explain why when you get here, but it’s nothing to worry too much over.” He explained, and Roy wondered if he had any of that here, or where he was supposed to get any this late at night.

“Yes of course, I’ll be there as soon as possible.” He said, though the twinge of worry bit into him still.

“Alright, and thank you so much! We have a few more phone calls to make, seeing as brother insisted you be the first we call.”

Oh, how that made his heart just swell so delightfully, “I understand. I’ll leave now.”

There was a final ‘hurry bastard!’ shouted in the background before the phone cut out, and Roy set the phone back down, letting out a breath and allowing himself to laugh more so than he had in years. It was a wonder,-it was a gift. It was everything he’d wished for over the past five years, and magically he couldn’t find it in him to be surprised at all. Grabbing his car keys, he couldn’t help but smile thinking, _how characteristically **Ed**_.

The corner store had been open, and the map had led him perfectly there, and Roy could just make out the two sitting on the dawn lit porch of the farm house. Ed was lying on the porch swing, pushing himself with a nudge on the wall behind him, and Alphonse was sitting in a small chair thanking, presumably, the owner of the house. Just as the car rolled down the gravel driveway, the two looked over and Roy felt his hands nearly shake on the steering wheel. The car stopped, the farmer mosied into the house, and Edward jumped up as soon as the car door opened, jumping down the small set of stairs as Alphonse shouted after him.

“...brother, you shouldn’t move around too quickly, you’ll faint!”

“Oh, hush up, Al, I told you I’m fine,” Edward said lightheartedly, and turned to Roy with a grin that seemed to squeeze all the broken pieces of his heart back in place, “Hey bastard, told you we’d be back.”

There was no hiding the blissfully relieved smile on Roy’s face, and he swallowed down all the things he wished he could say, opting instead for a simple, “You always keep your promises, don’t you?”

Ed’s grin brightened,-and Roy didn’t even know how that was possible, “Damn right I do.” He said, and Al stopped at his brother’s side with a concerned look.

“Brother, are you sure you’re okay? You bled a lot…”

Roy’s face paled, looking Edward up and down, only just now seeing the dark red blood dripping from his wrist, “Yeah, I told you I’m fine.”

“What happened?” Roy asked, ignoring the way his voice suddenly lacked all previous emotion.

Ed seemed to have noticed, giving him a strange look before cracking a sardonic smile, “It takes blood to do alchemy there. Specifically alchemist blood, and a lot, especially to do the kind of transmutation we had to, and-”

“And being as stupid as Ed is he refused to use any of my blood, despite the fact I have a higher blood volume than him,” Alphonse glared, and Roy forcibly steadied his face. How ironic would it be to have Edward come back, only to die because of it? “You nearly killed yourself, brother, you’re lucky the General got here so quickly.”

“Yes, well, I did get bandages, and antiseptic. It’s in the car.”

Edward just grinned, “I’ll patch myself up while you drive us to the closest place to get food.” He said, and Roy sighed, watching the both of them get in the car, and following their lead.

“This late, the closest place open would just be my house.”

“Then to your house it is.”

While Ed worked on cleaning and taping the deep cut on his wrist, Alphonse explained to Roy as best he could everything that had happened, leaving Roy to force himself to ignore the slight smell of blood and distant panic in the back of his mind that Edward probably really did nearly die. He’d seen Ed being reckless, but this probably took the cake.

It took about twenty five or so minutes to get back to his house, only because it was early, early morning, the sun just now lighting the horizon, the sunrise not even coloured pink and orange. Alphonse was yawning when the three walked into the house, Edward explaining that Winry was getting on a train this morning, and Izumi would probably kill them by the time she showed up. Apparently they’d decided against calling Maes considering he was probably asleep, though Roy was doubtful his friend would’ve minded much at all.

“General, can I borrow your couch? I’ve been up all night…” Alphonse asked, another yawn dragging out his words.

Roy had just been thinking the same, and smiled a bit, “You can borrow the spare bedroom if you’d like, it’s the first door on the right. Bathrooms across from it.” He told him, and Al smiled gratefully, meandering off with a mumbled ‘thank you’.

Glancing over at the sound of the fridge being opened, Roy saw Ed inspecting his food with a frown before grabbing a few things and shutting the door, looking towards the living room curiously, “You always live here? It’s actually nice.” He noted, and Roy smirked, sitting at the counter.

_Oh, how easy this is. How domestic_. He thought.

“You say that as though you were expecting a cardboard box.” Ed rolled his eyes, and Roy continued, “I moved here with a recent promotion. It’s technically a military house, so I don’t own it.”

Edward nodded a bit, searching now through the cupboards retrieving the bread before rummaging through the drawers in search of a knife, “I expected more of a bachelor pad, really. Me ‘n Al’s apartment in Munich certainly wasn’t this clean.” He said, and Roy could just imagine Alphonse trying to get him to do any kind of household chores.

“What did you do there? Without alchemy, that is.” Roy asked, wondering if it was too much of a personal question, though by the way Edward shrugged, he figured it wasn't.

Sitting down as he began to make a sandwich, Ed replied, “Alphonse studied at the university, and I did whatever I could for money, really. No alchemy wasn’t the hardest part of living there really. It was people’s faces. Every once in awhile, I’d see someone with the same face as someone I knew here. I met Gracia, and Hughes, and even Fuhrer Bradley a little while back.” He explained, eating the sandwich as though he hadn’t eaten in days, which now that Roy thought about it, wouldn’t be very surprising.

“Were they the same at all?”

Ed shook his head, strangely avoiding eye contact, “Not in the slightest. Hughes certainly wasn’t, and Gracia was a bit different too. Bradley was actually nice.” He told him, and his face fell a bit, an odd look in his eyes as he looked down at his plate, “I met your double too.” He began, and looking back up, unusually flat amber eyes scanning Roy’s face, which had paled considerably just at Edward’s tone, “There was a war going on there, a bad one. Me and Al barely got out before they started drafting people. American soldiers came through Munich one day, and I met Royce. He was a pilot for the American army, and a lot less of a bastard than you.”

Roy felt a bit jealous, until Edward continued, “I was in a bar when the place flooded with German soldiers and killed him and his whole troop.” Ed pushed his plate away from him, less than half his sandwich left, and laughed dryly, “For a minute I had actually thought it was you with a bullet in your head. It scared me half to death. I probably would’ve died, too, if Al hadn’t pulled me out of that place.” Edward held his head in his hands, and Roy couldn’t see his face past his bangs, “That was what made me want to come back here, y’know? Well, I had always wanted to, I was always _going_ to, but that forced me to. I just couldn’t stay there anymore. Not after that.”

He didn’t know what to think, or say, but Edward kept talking anyway, his eyes glancing towards the hallway before flickering to his left wrist. When he spoke again, his voice was softer, and thick with an emotion Roy could only pin down as hopelessness, “If it hadn’t worked,-the array-, I probably would’ve died. I know I would’ve died because that’s one of the only reasons I even did it. If it worked, I would get to go home, and if it didn’t, I still wouldn’t have to live there anymore.” Ed shook his head, “That’s fucked up, isn’t it? Al would’ve been stuck there all alone… I’m so glad it worked.”

Roy did the only thing he could think to do, and stood up slowly, walking around the counter to where Ed was sitting, and watching him look up confused before cupping his face, and kissing him softly.

Edward gasped lightly before kissing back, and in that single moment, all the pain, the thick desperation and heavy weight of longing that had filled the past years fell away. Roy focused on the way Ed’s mismatched arms wrapped around his neck and held him closer. He focused on the way Ed kissed like he knew exactly how he made Roy feel. He focused on the quickened breaths, the pounding heart, and the blush on Ed’s cheeks as he pulled away. Roy stared into the soft aureate iris’ and felt, deep in his bones, that he was looking at his entire world. Edward was his _everything_ , and that realization was the most mind bogglingly terrifying thing he’d ever thought in his entire life. Roy’s whole _world_ practically tried to kill himself, and that numbing fact made every inch of his body fill with fear at how easily it would be to absolutely _break him_.

“I love you.” He said, and Edward smiled up at him.

“I figured.”

Roy smiled and shook his head, running his fingers through Ed’s hair, and pushing his bangs from his face softly. He couldn’t help the fondness in his eyes, or the soft edge to his voice.

“No, Ed, there’s no way you could possibly know how horribly, terribly, awfully, _head over heels_ , in love with you I am. Hours ago, the mere thought of your smile made the ground shake beneath my feet. I spent years trying so hard to fight off every urge to find a way to you, wishing for a second to be with you in more than just my dreams.” Roy said, watching every flicker of emotion that passed over Ed’s face, “If I would’ve had the chance to throw everything away in exchange for you to be here, there would have been no hesitation, and even now, Ed… I would give up everything I’ve spent my life working for, just to spend a _day_ in your presence. I love you; more so than I have ever loved anyone, more so than I will ever love anyone, but you. It was years that I waited for you, and I’d do it all over again, on the off chance that you just might feel the same.”

Edward kissed him, though he pulled away quickly, staring at Roy with an impossible amount of emotion drowning in his brilliant gold eyes, “I love you too,” He said, before guilt covered his features, “And I’m sorry. I should’ve come back sooner, I should've-”

Roy wrapped his arms around him, shutting his eyes as he willed himself to forget every sleepless night, or hauntingly empty day while Edward hadn't been here, "You're here, Ed. You came back. Thank you, _thank you so much_. Please just,-stay this time." His voice shook, his heart stuttered, and with each breath came the need to stay like this forever. Arms around each other, heart to heart.

"I'm here to stay." Ed said softly, burying his face in Roy's chest, "I'll stay with you. Wherever you go."

 


End file.
